Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
