I wish I could teleport
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
