And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
