I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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