i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize