That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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