that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
