so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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