Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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