I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She tied me up with her honor cords...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
