so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize