i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
