He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
