Can i not drive my cunt home
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
