I'm going to jail i love you
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize