He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
