After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
