burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
