this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
