I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
