We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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