I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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