No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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