Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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