Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
