hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
