We won't sleep together?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
