seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
