Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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