i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
