She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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