How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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