If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
