Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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