WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
