That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
