i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
