Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
