He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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