therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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