Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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