i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
