i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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