This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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