I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
