remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
