Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
handjob tips. give me some.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
