He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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