she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
