we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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