Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think people are normalizing furries
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
