He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
