I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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