dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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