oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
