Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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