Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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