youre lurking in front of me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
