i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
