the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Mom said you looked used
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
