Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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