Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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