ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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