then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
