Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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